tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22608057153800546742012-02-16T19:48:03.361-05:00tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.comBlogger1911100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-62516549436104226432011-01-30T18:17:00.001-05:002011-01-30T18:18:20.975-05:00

Hey people finding this page for reasons I can't understand:If you're interested in following my continued shitty, boring, yet well written adventures (and you're going to want to because I'm moving to China), then please check out the blog's new home at Wordpress. Update your links and bookmarks already, dammit:http://alerttheaudience.wordpress.com/

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-48214195418997751572010-12-08T02:07:00.003-05:002010-12-09T14:07:03.254-05:00

Hey friends. We've moved the official page to http://alerttheaudience.wordpress.com.  It looks prettier.  Sorta.  See ya there.

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-42645442388926830302010-12-06T13:58:00.000-05:002010-12-06T13:58:53.363-05:00

A lot can happen in a year.  The last year of my life has been defined by a college degree after nearly not graduating, a parade of crappy jobs, four months of unemployment, an English teaching certification, the near death of my writing career, the stagnation of my music career, and for a very short while there was enough cheap whiskey and cheaper women in my life to make Hemingway think I was

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-4998467061043577052010-12-04T17:09:00.000-05:002010-12-04T17:09:30.499-05:00

As the banner change might indicate, it's that time of year again.  It's cold as hell in New Hampshire but it refuses to snow, I stop washing my hair so it can do that Heatmiser thing all the time, I try to convince my family that getting them "love" for Christmas is better than me buying them presents, and ABC Family pretends that we want twenty-five straight days of Christmas programming,

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-42363853464026857902010-12-01T13:48:00.002-05:002010-12-01T14:30:55.257-05:00

Nothing is more engrossing to watch than a car accident. There's something morbidly captivating about it that just can't be escaped. You don't want to look...but you end up gawking at it for a half hour, because you just can't find the power in yourself to look away.I guess that's what drove me to watch the pilot episode of Sarah Palin's Alaska. The Palin Obsession is at an all-time-high, and

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-39512115684422416742010-11-30T14:25:00.001-05:002010-11-30T14:28:05.999-05:00

If there's anything that America secretly loves, it's censorship. We've banned books, and movies, and TV shows, bleeped swears, and took all the zest out of a certain Cee Lo Green song so it could be played on the radio. We're a free society, until we run the risk of offending someone. Then it's a black bar censor party. I guess that's sort of tangential to the recent ban of Four Loko and

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-85260799300282977282010-11-24T11:11:00.002-05:002010-11-24T11:19:17.671-05:00

I think for this generation, and for generations to come, our Everest is going to be finding a career. We've proven that as the middle children of history we can hold down menial, minimum wage service industry jobs like no one's business, but getting a real life job with our degrees has been tough. I know a few people who are doing the Lord's work with their bachelor's degree, but the majority

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-31675450614017046842010-11-19T17:21:00.003-05:002010-11-19T17:31:15.272-05:00

If I had to give myself a pretentious title (well, aside from "blogger" or "author"), I would be tempted to call myself a "pop culture anthropologist". I spend so much of my time not enjoying things that other people like, that every once in a while I feel compelled to go check out how people on the other side of things live and function and entertain themselves. It's the reason I checked out

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-76147326989005115072010-11-18T12:00:00.000-05:002010-11-18T12:00:49.392-05:00

My dearest Ann, The thought of you gives me pause.  Though I've built my life around words, I find it nearly impossible to choose the proper words to describe you.  "Batshit insane" is my first instinct, but "inspiringly ignorant" might work too.  I suppose that "bold" might be the most apt, because it takes some cojones to say some of the things that come out of your mouth.  I have some

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-14920399600657795002010-11-17T19:31:00.000-05:002010-11-17T19:31:49.375-05:00

I always forget my Mom's birthday.  That generally would make me the worst son ever, but my parents' anniversary is pretty near her birthday and I always get the dates for those two confused, and then traditionally my parents went away for their anniversary, with their trip encompassing both occasions, which means that we celebrate as a family early, and...well, are you confused now?  Good.  Then

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-67909276794108781452010-11-14T23:59:00.006-05:002010-11-15T13:14:37.915-05:00

Sometimes, I wish I could just like things. People tell me that it's because I'm a hipster and that I have a necessity to be contrary. I don't think that's true, because I am not a hipster (though psychologists say that makes me even more of a hipster), but sometimes I am definitely hard to please. My new favorite show, The Walking Dead, found that out this week.The thing that really excited

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-5727929949104268572010-11-08T15:41:00.001-05:002010-11-08T15:46:08.096-05:00

As you might have guessed from yesterday's profane non-sequitur about the midterm election, I'm not happy.  In fact, I'm pretty fucking mad.  Going so suddenly Republican is not going to fix a fucking thing and will only serve to further escalate the insanity of the American political climate.  I've written this entry probably more than once, but since those are buried and since apparently

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-90548908786891888162010-11-07T18:40:00.000-05:002010-11-07T18:40:01.335-05:00

To skip whatever pretense there would have been to this entry, I've abandoned my National Novel Writing Month novel.  I've tried to do it, but I can't.  I'm just too much of a control freak to just WRITE 50,000 words.  Seeing as most organizers and participants would tell me that I just care too much about my characters and whatever before they return to their fan-fiction novel, I'm cool with

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-88722330204824345382010-11-01T16:26:00.002-04:002010-11-01T20:43:09.119-04:00

It's midterm election day tomorrow. Please make informed decisions instead of partisan decisions, and uh...let's just not elect John Stephen as governor, okay? Good talk, New Hampshire. Hit the showers.

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-68030932350802464962010-10-31T22:21:00.000-04:002010-10-31T22:21:52.746-04:00

Well, it's officially Halloween.  I only went out Friday in Durham with a black shoebox strapped to my back (I was a refrigerator magnet. Think about it), and then the rest of the weekend I pretty much did nothing.  I do a lot of nothing now, and usually that impedes into my blog writing time.  It has a lot to do with how much Xbox I've been playing and how much TEFL I've been working through,

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-39889071539176449472010-10-26T10:36:00.000-04:002010-10-26T10:36:14.411-04:00

I tend to be at worst apathetic and at best accepting of Halloween, but possibly my least favorite part about the holiday (besides "slutty cat" costumes) is all the "horror" movies that come with it.  Most of them are just gore fests, and while that works for some people, it just doesn't do anything for me.  Mostly because I'm a fucking wuss and have a weak stomach for gore, but that's beside the

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-66941417362140576092010-10-25T11:37:00.000-04:002010-10-25T11:37:41.004-04:00

As many of you know, this weekend is Halloween.  I know, it's crazy, I haven't been blackout drunk in a while either (hard to believe but it's true!).  As we close in on All Hallow's Eve, I hope you have a costume picked out.  If you don't...well, from here on out, it's going to get a little hairy for you.  But don't worry, as always, I'm here to pick up the torch you dropped and lead you through

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-44385496852101603402010-10-18T14:57:00.002-04:002010-10-18T14:58:10.433-04:00

Being at the wedding on Saturday and seeing my cousin, someone who was almost as close as a brother to me, get married, I started thinking about when I'll get married. I'm pretty sure it won't be for a while, probably having something to do with my lack of proficiency at dealing with women or how badly I botched the garter belt thing, but you never know! Tomorrow I could meet the one and this

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-63383916226083921552010-10-17T12:45:00.002-04:002010-10-17T12:49:39.573-04:00

I haven't been writing much lately, mostly because trying to make Dig Dug jokes about miners is a little less than tasteful, but I was also getting ready, mentally and physically, for one of the biggest events in my family's short history, and big family events are always a really special time for me. My extended family and I are pretty close, but we're all so busy that it's rare that we can all

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-78718306536734453042010-10-11T21:32:00.000-04:002010-10-11T21:32:06.814-04:00

It's less than a month until Midterm Elections.  Use this handy fact sheet I've culled from the last hour or so of attack ads aired on TV in New Hampshire: -Paul Hodes single handedly put us trillions of dollars in debt -If you're elderly, Carol Shea-Porter wants you dead, and she also loves walking like an Egyptian -Kelly Ayotte is the first person since the discovery of Doors Pond and

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-30778406619176907742010-10-10T21:49:00.002-04:002010-10-10T21:56:36.977-04:00

Some of the best advice I've ever been given is also advice I've followed the least lately: "Stay on the charming side of drunk". As such, I made it my mission during Homecoming to rediscover that feeling; to rediscover that there are a couple of stops between "sober" and "dead to the world hammered", mostly because Homecoming is the one weekend in which that would be a true challenge.Friday was

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-57039217452788323162010-10-08T17:14:00.002-04:002010-10-08T17:19:38.427-04:00

After much deliberation, I've decided that I'm going to UNH Homecoming 2010. Last year, there was tailgating that ended with not going to the game, me wearing a baseball hat, a 45-minute-sample-stealing-employee-berating tirade through the Durham Marketplace after which they STILL sold me more beer (idiots), an hour spent playing Bomberman with the guitarist from my band and talking about how

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-79771083738679680552010-10-06T12:10:00.000-04:002010-10-06T12:10:24.897-04:00

It seems the whole world is pretty impressed with the Internet.  I took this class last January (one in which I made the mistake of letting everyone blatantly know that I was there merely for the credit because otherwise I wouldn't graduate [hey, I may be a literary genius but I never claimed to have a good poker face]), and it was on social media.  Social media is basically like Facebook and

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-47234928664916872492010-10-05T15:49:00.000-04:002010-10-05T15:49:01.886-04:00

There is very little good that Ashton Kutcher does for the progression of society.  If we were to make a chart of his contribution to mankind, and then categorized those contributions by "Good" and "Bad", we would have "Dude Where's My Car" and "That 70's Show" under the good column, and everything else under the bad column.  Then we have to add a third column, "So bad it retarded our progress as

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-4160050682056418192010-10-01T13:03:00.003-04:002010-10-01T16:05:45.400-04:00

It seems that in these troubled times, there are disasters waiting for us around every corner. Global warming, terrorism, wildfires, contagious super-diseases, new seasons of Two and a Half Men; it's almost like mankind doesn't stand a chance. Even my ancestral homeland, the idyllic "City upon a Hill" that is Manchester, was subject to an earthquake last weekend. I think I was drunk or

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-5391530007391820212010-09-30T13:17:00.000-04:002010-09-30T13:17:06.911-04:00

Like I mentioned in my last entry, part of the reason I was gone for a week was that I've been working a ton.  I don't know if you've ever been part three-toed sloth and trying to work a job forty hours a week, but it's hard.  I sleep until 10:30, and then it takes me like two and a half hours to wake up, and then I have to start driving to make it to the country club on time.  Tough life.  Then

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-65421189438475321502010-09-28T23:59:00.000-04:002010-09-28T23:59:19.151-04:00

Until Saturday, I'd never used Craig's List.  I just don't trust people enough, especially when it comes to the Internet.  Anyone can grab a picture of something they're "selling" and put it up and then you go to buy it and WHAM, you're in the middle of the pawn shop scene from Pulp Fiction and there's no Bruce Willis there to save you.  But last week, the fact remained that my bass amp was

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-1856653241849431082010-09-20T16:56:00.001-04:002010-09-20T16:57:42.873-04:00

Yesterday was bad. I woke up in an afghan cocoon on a friend's couch in Dover, hungover and fully aware of how much of an asshole I'd been on Saturday. Then I had the worst day of work ever last night. Shit was all broken and I was there two hours late, it sucked. But I have to say, from my shame and regret came a revelation.When I was at my lowest point last night, I pulled a pamphlet out of

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-85492920689514698432010-09-17T14:50:00.001-04:002010-09-17T14:56:26.847-04:00

I think my life has finally taken that post-collegiate left turn.  You know, aside from me somehow ending up in Durham for the past couple weekends.  But I mean the other stuff.  The working all the time and having to think about getting my oil changed in my car.  Responsible stuff.  The kind of monotony that wears down on you until you're driving to cash your measly fucking paycheck and you

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-67122023656975939612010-09-14T22:56:00.001-04:002010-09-14T22:57:25.429-04:00

FOREWORD: If you were hoping this was a farewell entry, you'll be sorely disappointed. Just saving you the five minutes of your life.In the past month, a New York flight attendant named Steven Slater has become what people are calling a "folk hero". A folk hero, apparently, is someone who is a hero to many folks, and not a hero of the folk genre of music. He is a "folk hero" because in early

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-19897536273186667792010-09-12T22:54:00.000-04:002010-09-12T22:54:47.270-04:00

Whelp, fuck the VMAs.  Fuck 'em hard.  It's a celebration of everything wrong with our culture at any given time.  And because everyone's celebrating except for me, that means the rest of basic cable has nothing on worth watching.  Literally, if I didn't find the Ghost Adventures marathon, my options right now would be George Lopez, Jeff Foxworthy (right after a Jeff Dunham special too, 200 bonus

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-50277635782124335912010-09-09T12:54:00.000-04:002010-09-09T12:54:08.697-04:00

Whelp, it's September 11th this weekend.  I know, dreaded 9/11.  The day that changed everything.  That's right, forty years ago this Saturday, Ted Leo was born. Haha, got ya, didn't I?  Well, now that we're all loosened up and in a good mood, I do actually intend to talk about 9/11 today.  You know, the one in 2001. Even though I'm aware of it, I guess in my post about the Ground Zero Mosque,

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-33600647063030771462010-09-08T12:04:00.001-04:002010-09-08T12:06:05.068-04:00

Since I work mostly nights, and I live at my parents' house and therefore have little to no responsibilities or errands I need to run, I spend my days mostly sitting in my basement lair watching daytime TV. Hey! Don't judge! You guys are all at work or school or whatever. Let me have this. And it's not like straight up "daytime TV". Just TV, during the daytime.The thing that startles me

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-19977031516721750082010-09-07T22:49:00.004-04:002010-09-07T23:36:10.912-04:00

As many of you have figured out (or accused me of), I have a small, teensy little preoccupation with Ke$ha. I have called her "the songbird of our generation", started following her on Twitter, may or may not have put the entire "Animal" album on my Zune, may or may not have memorized half of it, and...yeah. I don't think the list of grievances gets any worse than that, but you know what?

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-50373566827954646462010-09-05T22:02:00.003-04:002010-09-05T22:05:40.695-04:00

I had a bunch of things I wanted to write about, but I've lacked the motivation to give them each full write ups, so here's a link parade. With my commentary, of course.The Top Seven Ways to Turn A Friendship Into A Friendship With Benefits (Spike TV online)I'm a bit late on this one (about a year), but it doesn't prevent this article from shocking the hell out of me. I mean, I'm not

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-50592523375235834332010-09-02T12:55:00.001-04:002010-09-02T16:47:32.728-04:00

Holy Christ it's been hot lately, eh? Man oh man, I have been just sweating absolute sack at the golf course. Attractive, I know, but I just can't help it. There is literally no reprieve at that country club from the heat. My last shift, I spent ten minutes in the pro shop (which has broken AC) just because it was 85º in there instead of 95º. Crazy. And you school-bound kids were

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-58676175174022309222010-09-01T12:03:00.000-04:002010-09-01T12:03:26.121-04:00

The unthinkable has begun to happen: my 80GB Zune is in danger of hitting capacity.  That's right, I've *ahem* PURCHASED OR OTHERWISE LEGALLY OBTAINED (in case anyone with their finger on the big red "LAWSUIT" button is reading) eighty gigabytes of music.  If you're not tech savvy, pick up the iPod Shuffle you filled with Taylor Swift songs and "Party In The USA" remixes.  Look at it long and

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-24528754000047936062010-08-31T22:40:00.001-04:002010-08-31T22:44:52.472-04:00

I get it now. I finally fucking get it. I now understand why celebrity gossip blogs and all those bullshitty things are so popular. As a people, we have no life. We come home from work and we check out what other people are doing. Since everyone is checking what everyone else is doing, creating a giant clusterfuck of nothingness, we look to what celebrities are doing, since they're always

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-84268298354430480692010-08-30T22:53:00.003-04:002010-08-30T22:57:50.991-04:00

Word on the street is that you kids are all back at school! Whether it's the final year or so of your degree or a grad school reprieve from the real world, the Facebook tells me that the majority of you went back to some institution of learning this week. First off, I don't want to hear any non-science undergrads bitch about class. I was a liberal arts major, and it was a fucking liquor coated

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-50379445302519307232010-08-25T14:48:00.005-04:002010-08-25T14:55:25.974-04:00

It's raining and I got called off from work! Hot damn! Now, I'm stoked because I love rain anyway, but I've seen a lot of people on Facebook complaining. I mean, when you've tricked 1000 people into clicking "Accept Friend Request", you see some shit, you know? I have a quick infographic for the significant sample of people complaining about the rain:This map is from August 17th. As you can

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-24246593467163587032010-08-23T17:14:00.000-04:002010-08-23T17:14:34.466-04:00

As you can tell, I took the weekend off.  I bought this new dark rum called "the Kraken", and I got to release my inner Kraken on Dover.  My apologies to most everyone who was in the Garrison City last Saturday.  In other big news though, the band's back on track.  We wrote a new song in under an hour yesterday, called "Forward Only Time Machine".  It might be the heaviest song we've ever written

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-23132489697054691462010-08-19T12:59:00.000-04:002010-08-19T12:59:45.779-04:00

I had this whole big preamble ready for this, but it really boils down to this: have you ever heard of the movie "Teeth"?  Well, you're about to.  "Teeth" is a horror movie about a high school girl and her very curious mutation: a set of teeth inside her vagina.  And now you're fully prepped to go on this journey with me. Allow me to paint you a picture: I had just come home from work. I was

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-28883025879793090962010-08-18T10:47:00.000-04:002010-08-18T10:47:19.529-04:00

Whelp, I'm pretty sure that last one put me on the shit list for anyone who still thinks "One Big Ass Mistake America" is hilarious, but fuck it, I felt like I needed to say it.  But I'm fairly certain there wasn't much here for them in the first place, so it's like whatever.  As you can tell, since Monday's cry for help I've taken on a new voice, pleading for some semblance of sanity from my

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-10438519658136220232010-08-17T11:22:00.001-04:002010-08-17T11:23:01.958-04:00

There's this thing called "misdirection". It's a very, very old technique that is most famously used in magic tricks. The point of misdirection is that while the magician is performing his slight of hand, you're busy watching him do something else. Then, when he's finished screwing around, he lets you divert your attention back toward the thing he made "disappear" or "transform", and you're

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-60537700044365028822010-08-16T18:50:00.004-04:002010-08-16T23:03:37.904-04:00

Ugh. I can't properly express to you how sick I am of you people graduating from shit and/or turning 21. Especially the turning 21 part. I mean, you weren't around for mine, why should I return the favor? Okay, that's a low blow. But seriously, I've been kicked out of like every bar in Manchester or Durham in the last year and a half, and frankly it's kind of boring now. Plus, it's not my

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-78728064591062334962010-08-13T01:12:00.006-04:002010-08-13T23:44:19.628-04:00

Friday night! You're all out living exciting lives, I'm drinking covertly while my cousin and I watch Caddyshack (in honor of my successful three weeks of employment at the country club). Fair enough. I'll make up for it tomorrow, you just wait! Actually, I think most of you are at the Sublime reunion show, or as they're legally obligated to call themselves, "We're pathetic musicians who

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-23974997126495354532010-08-12T13:11:00.005-04:002010-08-12T23:54:52.251-04:00

So, we all know I have fucked up dreams, but this one might be the most epic one yet. That is if you can consider something without drug dealing koalas more epic than something with drug dealing koalas.So it starts out and I'm in Europe by myself. I don't know what part of Europe exactly, but given how gray-scale it was and the fact that there was a raging river, it might've been Russia. So

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-91023354376439780922010-08-10T00:03:00.004-04:002010-08-10T12:47:20.982-04:00

Some things make me sad to be a human. The first is that I'm not allowed to be like my cat and sit around sleeping and being fed all day. Not that I don't try, but it would be awesome if it were socially acceptable. The second is that I can't fly, because I'm fucking sick of airports. The third, and obviously the most egregious, is that I don't have a tail.Having a working tail as a human

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-1079408323590411282010-08-09T12:05:00.006-04:002010-08-10T00:00:00.136-04:00

I had a dream last night. Have you ever had a dream where one of the players in your dream breaks the fourth wall and decides that they're totally going to mess with your head? I had one the other night. I was in a field with a girl I once fell for and all of a sudden, she turns not to me, Dream Tim, but me, Dreaming Tim, looks me straight in my mind's eye and goes "I don't want you, don't you

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-46747222955402752242010-08-02T20:54:00.017-04:002010-08-07T02:08:15.139-04:00

As I work more at the Country Club, my job goes smoother and smoother, and that enables me to become a member of the employee community. Sure I'm getting to know a couple of the other cart guys, but it's pretty isolating being in the cart barn. Someday I want to be able to joke around with the cooks or collect sagely advice from the old timers in the pro shop or learn all the tricks to outwit

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-43546343506462083232010-08-01T21:07:00.006-04:002010-08-01T22:41:07.628-04:00

As you may or may not know, I have a job now as a golf cart attendant at a country club in Goffstown (I hesitate to name it in case it comes up on a Google search, and I'm worried that membership will drop because of my presence there). It's a pretty cake job, and so far I'm good at it. I mean, I'm well suited for it: I own cargo shorts and the car I drive is pretty much a glorified golf cart.

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-797487469561092242010-07-30T11:45:00.000-04:002010-07-30T11:47:55.582-04:00

Despite everything, I think the news is a really important facet of a functioning society. You know, in theory. In theory, it's supposed to be that sort of "Who watches the Watchmen?" kinda thing where it protects us from the indiscretion of those who are claiming that they protect us. In practice...well, we got Fox News, CNN, and MSNBC. The thin line between opinion and news has been erased

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-68011912364773147712010-07-29T00:01:00.003-04:002010-07-29T00:23:16.090-04:00

I think if I could have any job in the writing world, I would want that job to be tabloid journalism. Sure, writing in a newspaper and unearthing the facts of everyday life and issues would be noble. Certainly writing in a music or a humor magazine would be satisfying and something I would be passionate about. If I write that barn burningly good novel or anthology, I would have money, groupies

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-39916417331778360022010-07-28T11:16:00.000-04:002010-07-28T14:46:19.326-04:00

As some of you might know, I rarely go to the movies. It's expensive and I have a severe deficit in my attention span. So, to justify my decision to not fuel pop culture with an $8 matinee, I usually read Wikipedia summaries of movies, that way I can keep up when the Daily Show references them. Or, I make snap judgments based on movie trailers. I know, I know, "don't judge a book by its cover

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-28459646181519064172010-07-26T14:21:00.004-04:002010-07-27T22:42:18.599-04:00

I was going to write a big long entry about the Cap'n Jazz show, but it sounded stupid. Here's a quick synopsis:For those of you who don't understand what half of my t-shirt collection is all about, recently a band named Cap'n Jazz that broke up in 1995 but was very seminal to all the stuff I listen to reunited and decided they were going to play a free show in Brooklyn. So, I did what any

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-30559944132816717452010-07-24T19:03:00.003-04:002010-07-24T19:48:32.912-04:00

The mustache is a strange beast. We all start with the same smooth upper lip, a patch of skin rife with possibility. One day, hair begins to sprout, and we are faced with a choice: do we shave it and return to our blank canvas of flesh, or do we allow it to grow?With the mustache comes a certain perception. Many great people have had mustaches, like Tom Selleck and every character he's ever

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-87158025818767718712010-07-22T12:00:00.001-04:002010-07-22T12:14:37.073-04:00

Well, the 2010 Midterm Elections are screaming towards us. For those of you who remain outside of anything political, and I envy you for that, Midterm Elections happen pretty much smack dab in the middle of a presidential term. 2010 is midway between 2008 and 2012, just in case anyone's still not following. Much of the legislature goes up for reelection, and how midterm elections go is often

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-29216101798928167222010-07-21T12:32:00.008-04:002010-07-21T14:41:50.291-04:00

The thing about being single, unemployed, broke until the latest $100 "congrats on graduating" check clears on Thursday, single, and living in your parents' basement is that you have nothing to lose. Literally, nothing. I mean, I will inevitably lose that $100, and my parents are one day going to get fed up and kick me out, but right now, I'm in stasis.The adage goes that you should fear the

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-60534407467398402642010-07-20T08:45:00.005-04:002010-07-20T10:40:42.720-04:00

I'm back! Did you enjoy the clip show? Good, I knew you'd love it. Hopefully I can shake off the cobwebs quickly, but try and bear with me for a couple days. To be perfectly honest, I was back yesterday, but I felt like lazing around until band practice. We were on hiatus for three weeks, I needed to bone up on my bass playing. Which, of course, I did. By playing Super Mario.Long Island

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-19430014352414308032010-07-19T12:00:00.002-04:002010-07-19T12:00:00.434-04:00

And we've come to the final day of my vacation. For this occasion, I decided to revisit my biggest publicity stunt ever. Emphasis on "biggest" and "ever".The thing about my "Love Letters" series is that even though it's completely fucking hysterical, nothing was ever at stake. I never once sent out any of the letters I wrote, just left them on Facebook for my friends to giggle at and stroke my

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-1950326174830404692010-07-18T12:00:00.001-04:002010-07-18T12:00:03.689-04:00

Once again, we have a classic entry from my epistolary series "Love Letters to an Industrialized Nation", one I tried sending to Hollywood in order to realize my dreams of Tinseltown super-stardom. I never used to dream, until I had the dream detailed in this piece. As you can tell by my dream about bombing South American koalas, I tend to have fucked up dreams, and this is where it all started

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-89688079689472939192010-07-17T12:00:00.001-04:002010-07-17T12:00:02.713-04:00

This piece appeared in Volume 22 Issue 1 of Main Street Magazine. It's a delightful little satire (if something so unsubtle could be called "satire") about the political process based on my friend Collin writing me in for Rockingham County Attorney during the 2008 election....And I Approve This MessageYou might say that my career in politics has been less than successful. In two decades on this

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-32731874981574160182010-07-16T12:00:00.002-04:002010-07-16T12:00:02.002-04:00

This is my first humor piece ever to make it into Main Street Magazine, appearing in Volume 21 Issue 4, but the concept actually dates back to October of 2007, when I had been formally rejected by the dating juggernaut known as "eHarmony". This is also the first time that Krista Diamond and I ever worked together professionally, me as writer, her as editor, which was the beginning of our

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-51917345904783362982010-07-15T12:00:00.001-04:002010-07-15T12:00:01.908-04:00

In honor of LiLo's trouble with the law and pending jail sentence, here is a letter I wrote to her (but never sent because I'm a wuss) in the Spring of 2009 in an attempt to seduce her. I would like her to know that if she is reading this from jail, the offer's still on the table when you get out, as long as you stop doing so much blow.An open letter to Lindsay Lohan, RE: Matchmaker,

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-89509784508732267142010-07-14T00:02:00.002-04:002010-07-14T00:02:00.709-04:00

Hey kids. This post is going to be on the early today because I'm leaving for Long Island at 8am. It's my now annual pilgrimage for sun, fun, debauchery, and...well I'm sure there was a fourth thing, but I can't remember right now. Since I've been a little...erratic...lately, I'm going to be keeping my cell phone off for the majority of my trip and will be largely incommunicado. However! I

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-48636805371771755442010-07-13T11:46:00.002-04:002010-07-13T18:20:51.410-04:00

Whelp, George Steinbrenner is dead. As callous as this sounds, I'm largely unaffected, as I don't care about celebrities and have too short of an attention span to care that much about baseball. I feel bad for his family and close friends, but George Steinbrenner living or dying doesn't impact my life. Simple as that. Although, if you turned on ESPN, you'd think the entire sporting world

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-64446456767893304562010-07-12T12:01:00.002-04:002010-07-12T16:33:04.191-04:00

Well, we're halfway through the year, and seeing as writing about soccer went so badly, I wanted to post a Top 5 and etc of my favorite releases so far in 2010.1. The Universe - "Passenger"Holy Santa Claus shit. I just listened to this album and have subsequently placed it at the top of my list with very little doubt in my mind. The Universe is apparently a Good Luck side project (I'm assuming

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-19068116914893974722010-07-11T12:55:00.006-04:002010-07-11T14:17:57.439-04:00

In an hour or so, the World Cup final between Spain and the Netherlands begins. Or, if you're reading this post-game, it already happened and I'm somewhere half in the bag on PBR and covered in orange and shame, and essentially, this post is moot. I'm going to make it quick so as not to waste everyone's time before or after.After it predicted Spain's win over Germany last week, much has been

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-55125834526215893592010-07-08T15:31:00.009-04:002010-07-10T02:50:41.401-04:00

Word on the street is that LeBron James has an hour long special on ESPN tonight to tell everyone how amazing he is and what team will be graced with his dominant, yet ultimately futile performances on the court. Frankly, I'm ordering the large appetizer plate of "Don't Care" when it comes to this, but it can't be ignored that people have been making a big deal about this, either calling him a

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-37968272552791869052010-07-07T12:21:00.000-04:002010-07-07T13:08:02.322-04:00

As the saying goes, "it's lonely at the top", but despite that we all want to be the best at something. Someday, I want to be considered one of the best English writers on the planet (I already am, but only like 25 people know that so far). For you, it might be being the best realtor, or the best high school history teacher, or the best office chair jouster. We all have to have goals. The

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-89097148300591191872010-07-06T13:52:00.003-04:002010-07-07T02:16:24.973-04:00

I don't like things. That's pretty obvious. But there are few things I dislike as much as this whole "3D" craze. Why? It's just a fucking gimmick. But everyone is buying into it like crazy. And it makes me feel insane.To play Devil's Advocate, I can kind of, KIND OF see my way through to 3D movies. Motion pictures are a spectacle in this country (for better or worse), and what's more

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-82359293801328067322010-07-05T13:41:00.005-04:002010-07-05T23:15:57.775-04:00

Well hey there! You been hanging out in the Northeast? It's fucking hot! Yeah! Uh...there's actually nothing humorous about that. You're a douche for hoping for a punch line here. It's only going to get worse. Heatstroke is no laughing matter. I'm overweight, we're the first to go in a heatwave. This isn't funny. Stop laughing.But anyway, I want to speak directly to the ladies for a

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-4389676819633414252010-07-04T01:55:00.007-04:002010-07-04T11:47:52.618-04:00

Hey kids, hope you're having a great Independence Day weekend. It's probably more exciting than mine. I played a show on Friday and then I've done literally nothing since. I mean. Besides ripping up more carpet from my friend's Dad's condo. I didn't figure it would be worth it to write a new post, since the Twilight one demands your attention anyway, but you're off gallivanting around being

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-65603714129716047742010-07-02T11:33:00.006-04:002010-07-02T13:37:38.345-04:00

I did something I'm not proud of last night. It's not eating the cookie that I dropped at Panera. It's not the half gallon of Bacardi I drank. It's not losing Mario Party miserably. It's not any of those things.Last night, I saw Twilight: Eclipse.Okay, now before you have a nutty and take me out of your Bookmarks folder, you have to understand that I had purely anthropological reasons for

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-21024492044942687132010-06-29T14:38:00.007-04:002010-06-29T15:31:48.054-04:00

Lately, as is common with much of my downtime, I've felt kind of creatively sapped. Sure, I can still think up a couple great penis euphemisms or a horribly offensive but totally apt and hilarious simile, but I haven't done anything I'm really proud of. Of course, I'm happy that sometimes my blogging makes other people happy, but I still want to take a crack at my Everest: story writing.The

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-68861616287737897052010-06-28T14:44:00.005-04:002010-06-28T17:11:57.765-04:00

It all started because I had a house party and completely fucked up my parents' property. There were cigarette butts everywhere, covertly hidden beer cans in various shrubs, and to make matters worse, the grass was really fucking long. I decided that I would start with the easy job and mow the lawn. At the time, my lawnmower was a piece of shit. I ran it for maybe like five minutes, got a

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-82742534198851520702010-06-27T19:44:00.001-04:002010-06-28T00:10:36.013-04:00

So Hopscotchoria? It was our best show ever. Probably about 30 or 40 people packed in the barn watching us rock it. And then Alessa blew us out of the water, which is really to be expected. So thanks for...you know. Coming.Last night I ran amok in Amherst, MA, and sometime after walking about three miles with an inflatable raft on my head and being woken up inside the house by someone

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-24065599429322657932010-06-24T01:51:00.008-04:002010-06-24T02:22:06.346-04:00

First things first: since I'm going to be in Keene tonight doing shenanigans and getting up first thing in the morning to tear up carpet and then rushing home to shower and get ready for the evening, here is my last shameless plug:FRIDAY IS HOPSCOTCHORIA, A FREE LOCAL MUSIC FEST THAT TAKES PLACE IN HAMPSTEAD, NH. IT'S PROBABLY GOING TO BE MY BAND'S BIGGEST SHOW THUS FAR, AND FOR A WHILE. I CAN

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-110374035669554572010-06-23T15:14:00.008-04:002010-06-23T16:11:12.224-04:00

The US made it to the 16 in the World Cup! Holy crap! What a match. It shouldn't have been NEARLY that stressful, but it finally finished. I had a bunch of great whiskey dick jokes to go with the impending tie, but luckily I didn't have to use them, and therefore you won't have the misfortune of being subjected to more crude references to my clumsy sex life.All this will really do Stateside

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-91139670650197800472010-06-22T21:00:00.004-04:002010-06-23T02:06:08.666-04:00

So, there's about to be a big change in my life. Ready? Okay, you're obviously not ready. How about this: stick out your pointer fingers and start a drum roll on your desk, keyboard, what have you. You rollin'? Good.I'm moving.Yep. Time to pack up anything I didn't leave packed, along with some other stuff, and move on to bigger and better things, that being a nice starter studio apartment

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-47745645935086625042010-06-18T11:09:00.005-04:002010-06-18T12:03:26.953-04:00

Just an update, only like three people decided to be in on the writer's circle, which is far shy of my hope for like ten, so that's a no-go right now. A writer's square just doesn't have the same benefit. From now on, no one can ever act like I didn't try to do something for the artistic scene in New Hampshire. But we're moving right along.It's been a bad week to be a bro in in New England.

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-45979414314904165892010-06-16T17:19:00.007-04:002010-06-16T18:46:01.668-04:00

So, you've had a day to let the new theme sink in. I think it's calming, a little tiny bit more professional looking, and really brings out the gorgeous blue in my eyes FINALLY. What do you think? I'm open to some critique about it. But I'm not going to dwell here because I want to get through a couple of different topics today, so there's no time to waste.Speaking of critiquing shit, I have

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-50180357436094788232010-06-14T15:33:00.005-04:002010-06-14T17:24:06.325-04:00

We're just hitting all kinds of milestones lately here at ATA! I'm assuming that this will be the entry that will push my total page views over 10,000, since we're pretty damned close right now.Life has been mostly pretty alright lately. I'm plugging along at my TEFL course, I think most, if not all of these grad party shenanigans are taken care of (which is good because my post-collegiate

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-29676603284444351192010-06-10T09:42:00.005-04:002010-06-10T14:54:04.213-04:00

Hello! Took a couple days off there to try and do productive things. It was largely unsuccessful. I've managed to save 2/3 of the Mario Galaxy, finish a TEFL module, and drink more than one beer. Somehow, I ended up at the Central High School crew team banquet with my Aunt. Hey, before you judge me, just know that she called me at 7am and I heard "free meal". Okay, now you're fully equipped

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-80825594247720503232010-06-07T03:10:00.005-04:002010-06-07T12:10:43.950-04:00

Dear Tucker,Having been a lifelong US citizen, I've been bombarded with the concept of the "American Dream". In our modern landscape it seems like such a bankrupt notion, a geriatric idea being lowered into the grave inch by inch with every outsourced job and each iteration of that Bret Michaels reality show. However, I'm not the first to mourn for the American Dream. Many of my favorite

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-71200029054866526672010-06-06T15:51:00.005-04:002010-06-06T16:23:56.939-04:00

It's Sunday afternoon, as well as monsoon season in NH once again. I don't think it ever "kinda" rains anymore, it just hemorrhages water on us. So I'm probably going to go full unemployed man-baby and buy a video game or something to keep me occupied, because I can't see myself doing anything productive with the weather this volatile.Today's kind of exciting though because it marks day one of

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-89224835118271617642010-06-03T00:02:00.006-04:002010-06-03T22:31:29.122-04:00

Everyone, I've done a bad, bad thing. It's even worse than that other time when I did that thing that was really bad. Way worse.I ate a Double Down.I know this might take me down a few pegs in the opinions of some people. To those people, you have to understand. This wasn't a craving; this was a science experiment. The audacity of KFC to have such a clearly harmful product on the market

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-37343226197268157812010-06-02T15:11:00.009-04:002010-06-03T22:36:13.727-04:00

From now on, I'm going to have to be productive. And that sucks balls. Ya see, I started my online TEFL course today. For anyone unaware of the latest details in my ridiculous scheme to try and do something with my life, I'm trying to go abroad to teach people English as a foreign language. To do that, I pretty much need this "Teaching English as a Foreign Language" certificate, which I can

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-64559690282942513082010-06-01T17:08:00.005-04:002010-06-01T17:53:57.381-04:00

I know I've been lax lately, but it's pretty much a victimless crime. My life has been pretty banal lately. Allow me to recap my week last week for a second: Monday I mowed the lawn. Tuesday I got a haircut. Wednesday I bought deodorant. Thursday I didn't do anything. Friday I went to the bank. Of course then came the post-rock tour de force that was my weekend playing bass in Maintain Radio

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-87731043251336378272010-05-28T14:35:00.004-04:002010-05-28T15:04:43.878-04:00

A word to my fellow indie rockers real quick: how hard do you think the ex-Botch member of Minus the Bear laughed when they started writing "My Time" off of OMNI? On a scale of 1 to the guy in England who laughed himself to death. I put it somewhere around the first time my Dad saw the "Dick Drawing" scene in Superbad. Jesus what an awful song. I have had a copy of OMNI for a while now but

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-16201484935172515862010-05-26T19:41:00.004-04:002010-05-26T20:11:10.699-04:00

Before I start talking about day three of my unemployment I want to say that no one had a favorite entry, so to all my critics, congratulations. You were right. I suck. Alright, moving on.So yeah, unemployment day three. One of my friends tried telling me that I was "underemployed" as opposed to "unemployed", but since Monday's highlight was "mowed lawn", Tuesday's excitement was "got a

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-87192267842940940092010-05-24T17:52:00.006-04:002010-05-24T18:43:17.912-04:00

We've arrived at the 100th post! Holy fucking shit! I guess it's fitting that it's on my first Monday of the rest of my life as a real person. And you know what? Unless someone buys it when I say that I'm an "artist", I'm a fucking waste of life in the real world. I've watched every episode of 30 Rock, The Daily Show, Adventure Time, and Aqua Teen that's free on OnDemand. I had a panini. I

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-11825839182381882672010-05-23T22:21:00.005-04:002010-05-23T23:24:24.075-04:00

I've heard that people want to hear me talk about graduation. It's a pretty open and shut case.First I still had to get a cap and gown. Yeah, I know, poor fucking planning on my part. But the Alumni Association did not make it easy for me to rectify my situation. I ran around in my fancy gradjiation duds for over a half hour all around the Whitt going tent to tent getting the complete run

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-57120134434740810072010-05-21T21:06:00.002-04:002010-05-21T21:16:36.701-04:00

I have more to say than this, but it's all melodramatic and kind of silly when I write it down. I just want to thank everyone who's been a part of my life these past four years. I'm nothing without you. After tomorrow, it's time to give the real world some hell.

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-81948001014500808942010-05-20T12:01:00.005-04:002010-05-22T01:50:26.978-04:00

Well folks, here we are, my top memory from college. Are you caught up on the other four? If not, here's a chance to catch up:#5 - The sprained ankle that changed my life and personality for the better#4 - It involves Main Street Magazine and pubic hair. What's not to love?#3 - I'm only lifetime banned from one place in the entire world (that I know of). This is that story.#2 - Meeting the

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-69143676371617116102010-05-19T08:04:00.003-04:002010-05-19T12:35:47.436-04:00

(Technically this is the only story on the list that happened when I was a senior. In reality it's kind of not, but when this happened I had successfully completed my finals and therefore, was kind of a senior)My 21st birthday was something of a revelation. I had been waiting my entire alcohol drinking life to take my artistry out from the basements and dingy apartments and into the streets,

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-76539023543150004822010-05-18T12:40:00.000-04:002010-05-18T12:41:44.620-04:00

(+15 points to whoever gets the Bad Brains reference in the title)My Freshman year was a livid, boozy affair, marked by some of the most intense self-loathing I'd ever felt and the stupidest behavior patterns I've ever engaged in. I hated my major, I hated many of the people around me, and I wanted to transfer pretty badly. Because of that, I went home a lot. I also got into the habit of just

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-72480625692436209452010-05-17T02:43:00.014-04:002010-05-17T03:45:28.000-04:00

(Before I begin I should note that after writing this top five list down, I noticed that these stories are all from before my days with this blog, also known in popular parlance as "The Dark Ages". I assume this was subconsciously deliberate on my part, since I try to be as non-redundant as possible here. Just thought I should give everyone that disclaimer)So as you read yesterday, last year I

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-90646173955013613362010-05-16T13:42:00.008-04:002010-05-17T16:52:02.293-04:00

Golly gee whiz. I still haven't had anything to say. Well, that's not true. I wish you could see the number of unpublished entries I have from the last couple of weeks, about how stupid I think the Durham Pub Crawl is, how much of a self-aggrandizing douche someone named Sam Rose is, and how deeply unsettling the movie "Bushwhacked" is (actually that one might still make it someday) among

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260805715380054674.post-62429686094863755022010-05-13T16:57:00.005-04:002010-05-23T20:12:00.427-04:00

Hey everyone. I've been sort of conflicted lately over this having to move on with my life thing, and as a result I haven't found much to say that wasn't completely bad or spiteful, though admittedly, some of my targets have deserved to have me rain on their parade.To this end, to try to just put everything on the table and clear my head for more hilarious writing, I'm posting a copy of my final

tkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06619663443552833782noreply@blogger.com2